Hell On Wheels

In kitsch heaven, Roller Derby is the celestial past time. Equal parts pro wrestling, strategy, and raw athleticism, the union of clever wordplay and testosterone- spiked estrogen is one of those unavoidable cultural magnets; You shouldn’t watch, but your eyes absolutely cannot avoid it.

New York, NY is one of, if not the, grittiest populaces on the planet, so it is without much surprise that the Big Apple is home to Gotham Girls Roller Derby. With the boroughs repped by squads such as the Bronx Gridlock, Wall Street Traitors (get it?), Brooklyn Bombshells, Manhattan Mayhem, and Queens of Pain,(Apologies to Staten Island) these ladies wreak havoc on quad skates-and aren’t afraid to kick each other in the face with them, either.

Roller Derby itself has been around for over 80 years. Each team fields five players at a time, four blockers and one jammer. The objective is to guide and maneuver the jammer through the brutality of the opposition, racking up points with every rival lapped. Throw in gimmicks, flair, pizzazz, and breakneck paces that yield scores in the 130-150 range, you have one heck of an evening of entertainment.

From the players to the refs, managers to the “Jeerleaders”. Government names are reserved for driver licenses. Alter egos run the gamut. Just ask “Deathel Merman, “Buster Cheatin”, “Jenny Jawbreaker”, Splint Her”, or “Bitch Cassidy”. But this is where Roller Derby in the modern era strays from the pro wrestling umbrella. The Gotham Girls are unscripted, real competitors battling it out not for pay (there is none), but for love of the game. Nerds, hipsters, raucous beer guzzlers, grandmothers, and incognito intellectuals are commonly in the audience for a Gotham bout, as are future stars-little girls in pigtails who one day will trade in their dolls for bruised thighs and torn ligaments.

Kitsch me, I’m a New Yorker.